Quotable Quotes from the Route #2
Two weeks ago when it warmed up to 50 degrees and all the snow melted, the owner of a small business commented favorably on the weather with this quote, "We don’t have to shovel sunshine." It’s true. Now today the high temperature was 9 degrees with a wind chill factor of about 10-15 below zero. It’s a nice day to have behind me. Certain fingers were going numb at random. First, the index finger on my right hand would go numb, then it would warm back up; then the ring finger on my left hand would go numb….
But that quote got me thinking of some other quotable quotes that have been thrown at me over the years. So here is another set of quotes that I have heard on the mail route, three total including the one above. Feel free to use them in your every day speech.
Crack don’t make ya stupid!
This homeless fellow who likes to talk to me every once in a while was asking if I heard about the man who took his son on a robbery with him. I don’t know what your impression of homeless people is, but there are some quite intelligent folks with no permanent living arrangements out there. This fellow keeps up with the news. The story was of a man who was robbing a country club, took his son along with him, but left him outside while he was inside robbing the place. The police arrived while he was inside the country club which was closed at the time of the robbery. The son had no idea what was going on. The man confessed to the crime admitting he had a crack cocaine habit. As this homeless man was telling me about the story, he mentioned that bringing his son along with him and leaving him outside in plain sight was just plain stupid. He said, "Crack can make you do some crazy things, but crack don’t make ya stupid! That wasn’t crack that made him bring his son, that was stupidity." Incidently, the man got less than $100 out of the robbery, and that was from unreturned pop bottles. I think I agree with my friend. I think the fellow’s problem was more with stupidity than anything else.
Did you have to take a test to get hired at the Post Office?
While this quote may not seem funny at first, when you understand what this lady actually had in mind when she asked me, you may change your mind. There was a group of people sitting around talking on a porch on my route. A lady in her mid 20’s saw me and came out to ask me this question,
"Did you have to take a test to get hired at the Post Office?"
"Yes I did."
"Well what kind of test was it?"
I began explaining the postal exam that every one has to take to get their name on the roster to get hired. I explained about the four sections of the test. The first section is Alike or Different. You look at two addresses and mark either Alike or Different. There may be an ever so slight difference in the two addresses that you have to spot. The second section is memorization of address categories. The third section is mathematics. The fourth section is following oral instructions. As I was speaking, she seemed a bit confused at my answer.
"No, I mean did you have to take a DRUG test to get hired at the Post Office?"
"Ummm… Yes. Yes I did."
"Well, what kind of test was it?"
"It was… Ummmm… Just a… Regular test."
"Well was it a hair sample or a urine sample?"
"It was a urine sample."
At this point, she turned and went back up the steps telling everyone on the porch, "Hey everybody, it was a urine sample."
At that point, the number of questions that started going through my mind were too many to count.
Have fun and stay busy – Luke 19:13
-The Orange Mailman