You used to be one of my heroes.

I’ve been thinking about talking to you for a long time about this. I thought about calling you on the phone. I thought about visiting you. But I finally decided to write you a letter. This way, you can take this slow and thoughtful like. Also, you will have this piece of paper for a long time. Even if it doesn’t make a difference now, maybe after a while you will remember what things were like before. I can’t imagine you will throw this letter away.

You used to be one of my heroes. I really looked up to you and respected you. No, you weren’t perfect. I realize that. But in the midst of your struggles, you prevailed. Or should I say, you allowed the LORD to prevail for you. I knew you were struggling. I could see it on your face at certain times. I could see when you bit your tongue. I knew a part of you wanted to be proud. But yet you submitted yourself to the LORD all throughout your trials.

Your trials were not easy, in fact, you had it rather rough. But you always seemed to be full of faith in the LORD. You knew that He was going to take care of you no matter what. There was always tomorrow. There was always hope. You were like a breath of fresh air in the midst of your garbage dump surroundings. Others beside me looked to you for inspiration. You never stooped to the level of someone else who was slinging mud at you. Somehow, in way that I don’t understand, you rose above it all. The only explanation I could ever come up with was that you trusted in the LORD.

I found inspiration in the way that you handled your trials. I know it wasn’t easy for you. There were times when I sympathized with you so greatly that I wished I could take your place. Or sometimes I wished that I could knock the block off of the one who oppressed you. But I knew it was from the LORD. I could no sooner take your place than you could take my place in my trials. My trials are ordered by the LORD and so were yours.

Sometimes when my trials seemed like they were too much for me, I would remember you. I thought to myself, “If she can handle her trials in such a way, surely I can handle my trials.” As long as you were faithful, it was like the sun was shining even though the circumstances seemed like a thunderstorm. If you could continuously put your trust in the LORD in your seemingly hopeless situation, then, well, so could I. You had a grace and a beauty that could only be explained by your confession of Christ as your Savior.

Maybe I should have told you this before. Perhaps it’s my fault for not telling you how your testimony admonished me on a daily basis to allow the cross to cut me deep. So I guess I should say, “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that you were my hero. Maybe you never would have quit.

I understand completely. I have wanted to quit many times. It seems like things will never change. Why should you persevere when everyone else around you doesn’t seem to care at all? Why should everyone else get to be petty and insulting and you must always bite your tongue? Why overcome today when this same trial will come again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day? I can’t say that I blame you because I understand your trial all too well. Not everybody understood, but I sure did.

Will this letter change anything? I don’t know. I’m not writing this letter to condemn you, because I’m no better. I’m not writing this letter to chew you out, because I’ve failed in worse ways than you could ever know. I’m not even asking you to go back and change what you did. There were some people that you hurt with your decision when you walked away. That’s between you and them. I guess I just wanted to let you know that – you used to be one of my heroes. Maybe I’ll see you around some time. Until then, I hope that I can inspire others through my trials the way you inspired me. I miss you.

Have fun and stay busy – Luke 19:13

-The Orange Mailman

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7 Responses to You used to be one of my heroes.

  1. Tracey says:

    This kinda rings true for me. 😀

  2. Darrin says:

    Hey Tracey-Here\’s my advice. Show the love of Christ even when the person you are dealing with is not showing the love of Christ. Anything retaliatory is not Christ like. Remember that as Christ was on His way to the cross, He was being insulted, but did not insult back. He did not retaliate, but instead said, "Father forgive them." I know it\’s hard when someone you once trusted deals that kind of blow, but here is the opportunity to either demonstrate self love and self protection, or to demonstrate Christ\’s love and be willing to love that person in spite of their own recklessness.To completely ignore the person would not be right. To try to get even would not be right. To try to get others to think poorly of the person would not be right. But to truly think about that person\’s welfare, in that they are loved by God in spite of themselves, now that is seeing with the eyes of Christ.Have fun and stay busy – Luke 19:13-The Orange Mailman

  3. Tracey says:

    Thanks OrangeMM. Yeah, well, I\’ve forgiven, probably won\’t forget for awhile. I\’m praying for that person, that\’s easy. But I won\’t be confronting. I\’m not strong enough right now. Sometimes you can\’t help people. They aren\’t ready, not in the right place. So I have to live my life better. Obviously, I tried to be a good friend and still this person didn\’t get it. I pray they will eventually understand. I thought I could be a good influence. Apparently they have their own free will. Frankly, I don\’t think it was meant to hurt me, but it did. They were counting on my husband not sharing this letter with me. They thought we had a weak marriage, but infact this is what makes us stronger. We stick together. Always have. We may fight and bicker, but we always agree in the end. We have the same core values. I\’m not sure if this person was trying to put a wedge between us, but it didn\’t work. I\’m sorry that it happened, now it will have to play out the way God wants. I\’m listening. Now. There were a few days that I was hindered with "Why?" \’How?" "What did I do to deserve this?" But that phase is over, I\’ve processed it and am moving on. I\’m not going to be initiating any friendship,l can\’t trust myself or the person. But if they ever come to me and explain or apologize then I will be accepting, but not as talkative. Nope. Never will I open myself up to that again..only to my spouse. He knows me, as well as God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. In a way this has brought me closer to my Lord, again. I needed that. The rest will take care of itself. I need do no more. I\’m okay. God created me and I\’m me.

  4. Darrin says:

    Hey Tracey-It sounds like you have come to a pretty good conclusion here."Apparently they have their own free will."Hah! That\’s always the issue, huh?Have fun and stay busy – Luke 19:13-The Orange Mailman

  5. Tracey says:

    You are right. I was defensive, but now I see that this person was trying to help. I have been learning about myself. I have a few things to work on, as does everyone. If we didn\’t we wouldn\’t be here. I had to process the unfathomable(sp?) idea that someone, one I thought of as a sister, would go behind my back. That was beyond hurtful. If it was someone I didn\’t have a relationship with or care about it wouldn\’t have hurt as much. I know I should apologize to the person. I\’m not sure I can trust in that person, but that is besides the point. Doing the right thing is healing and I\’m not sure if we both can heal if we aren\’t forgiving or it\’s just one sided. I\’m still hurt, but it\’s fading. Thank you OMM, you are a wonderful man and example of living the way Christ wants us to.

  6. Darrin says:

    You are too kind. I can only hope to reflect my Savior well.It certainly will take time to heal. One thing that may be discouraging, though, is to realize that this person will never know the full extent of how they have hurt you. Of course they don\’t need to in order for you to forgive. But as that forgiveness part comes forth, they may not treat it like a big deal. And then that\’s when I would want to say, "Don\’t you realize how badly you hurt me?"Take care. Maybe we\’ll meet again.Have fun and stay busy – Luke 19:13-The Orange Mailman

  7. Tracey says:

    Thanks again. OMM….(I\’m pronouncing that Ohmmmmm-:D)

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